Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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