Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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