OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
