She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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