i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
