Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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