The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
