i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
