naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
