Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
