cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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