Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
