respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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