he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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