Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
