I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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