idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
