Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
