Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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