I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
