It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
