dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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