why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
