So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
