She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
