pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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