You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
