Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
