He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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