So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
