you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
