Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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