on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
