My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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