but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
