My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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