in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
