Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
