I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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