i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
