Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
