i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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