I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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