Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
