I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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