She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
