Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
organizing the empties. That sober.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
