discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
