Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
