he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
