glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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