I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
