I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
