last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
