i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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