worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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