I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
