She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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