smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i think my cat just said my name.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
