Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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