did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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