just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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