she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
