New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Enjoy the penises
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
