I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
