Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
