If i come over, it means nothing
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
