I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
