Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
