I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
