I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
