you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I currently don't understand fingers.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
