he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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